At two years of age, Abigail was used to replace the siren on the village fire engine whenever it broke down. As a twelve year-old, we hire her out to the American military to make sample recordings – for use as chemical warfare warning sirens in Iraq.
“B0!!0cks!” Thinks our hero.
Like a sort of stunted, cross-channel swimmer, who has forgotten to take her clothes off, the two-foot tall, white monster, is covering itself in white grease.
It is surprising how far a 250g tub of Sudocrem will go when spread about 2cm thick (that’s an inch – for my mum & dad), over everything within reach of a two-foot tall, albino demon.
Any successful recipes for getting white grease out of beige carpet will be gratefully received.