Sunday morning, and our beautiful, fair-haired, little, three-year-old angel wakes up at 06:00.
Half way down the stairs, it was the smell that first suggested something was wrong. A sort of sickly, cloying smell, chemical, a bit like… yes, oh sh!t, like a lot of nail polish…
It’s surprising just how far one, small bottle of bright, red, nail-polish go’s – it spreads evenly over polished, hardwood furniture, Laura Ashley seat fabric, sofas, beige carpet and expensive rugs.
Our hero considers the seven-foot tall bookcase and the two-foot tall monster with red teeth and claws.
It appears she was bitten by a radioactive spider back in Colchester General.
Anybody that’s seen Colchester General Hospital, will have no problem believing that there are radioactive spiders wandering around the wards.
Toilet-training a toddler, as our hero has discovered, frequently entails one or two patches of damp carpet. The toddler however, gets to the point when they know they’ve had an accident and they want to clear it up. All they need are the appropriate tools.
It’s surprising just how far the water in the average toilet will spread, when a toddler gets hold of a sponge and, soaking up the water in the toilet, trails it through the house to the “scene of the accident” and begins to mop and scrub.